Planned Sex

Planned sex is something for a long time that people didn't talk about. Much sex advice was based on maintaining fun and spontaneity in the sex life!

But planned sex can be just as fun and is certainly a good thing to practise in maintaining a happy sex life.

So here's my take on planned sex...

Firstly I think spontaneous sex is great but in today's world where we all work so hard in our jobs, have committments, children, social lives and many, many other aspects of day to day life to spend our energy on it's so easy for sex to take a back seat.

Picture it - you get up at 7am, make coffee, get a shower, get ready for work, get the kids up, ready and out of the house, and rush your breakfast as you leave the house. You drive an hour to work (or spend an hour travelling by bus or bicycle) and then think constantly about your job until lunchtime. Lunch is consumed at the desk, you leave at 5.30pm and get home at half 6. The kids need to eat, play, bath and be read to before you can even think about having some time to yourself so at 9pm when you finally get chance to sit and relax with a glass of wine, you're shattered and the last thing on your mind is sex - you want to watch tele then go to bed early so you can start it all again tomorrow. 

But sex is crucial to a happy and healthy relationship and a happy and healthy you! With the above scenario the only time you spend with your partner is sat on the sofa watching television or sleeping side by side. Weekends are all about catching up on chores and keeping the kids entertained and you're not getting the chance to catch up on sleep! You're moving further and further away from your partner and sex is sitting firmly on the back burner. Intimacy has gone and you don't want to initiate sex in case your partner is tired or worse he/she wants a super long session that you don't have the energy for!

So that's the problem - a typical one I'm sure you'll agree and my suggestion is that planned sex can be the solution.

Planning to have sex on a set day, at a set time each week - planning what sort of session you'd like, which toys (if any) you'd like to bring in to the session and which activities you're in the mood for (sticking to just oral or adding in penetration too?). It's a great way to:

1) Get that intimate connection back with your partner

2) Encourage yourself to get back into and enjoy sex again (it's so easy to get in a rut of not having it or wanting it, sometimes you need to break the cycle!)

3) Experiment with different things you love

A great website for making planned sex interesting is Playful Ideas a website that randomly generates a suggestion for you and your partner to try during sex. It gives a suggestion of when the sex should take place, who should arrange it and what it should involve so you can use your creativity but still get some ideas on what to plan!

Make sex fun again, by planning it - I'm sure you'll be pleasantly surprised...

Alicia <3